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This essay appears in issue 26 of The Lifted Browan Australian magazine of letters.

When I walk into the club this is what I see: a long, low room with vinyl-padded walls. Dim red lighting.

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Low seats surrounding a catwalk with two poles. High round tables and bar stools.

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Other job applicants already filling out application forms. One ebony guy in a seat by the catwalk. A blonde woman in towering strip shoes with LED lights in the soles, rotating slowly on one of the poles in a yellow g-string. I get an eyez How to survive a breakup with dignity from the bar and wait while the bartender finds a pen. The woman on stage looks bored as she suspends herself from the pole by her feet, chest thrust club. The old guy is loving it. I look at her breasts. There are a few tables not claimed by my competition.

I take a seat and study the application form. Name, age, nationality, bar experience, and three check boxes: bar staff, hostess, dancer.

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What is a hostess? There is no Male here wanting else in the bar. I check the box anyway and eye the other girls. Maybe I should have worn something lower cut. Eventually a guy in a suit and diamante earrings shows up, collects the forms, and starts interviewing at the end of the bar.

As each applicant approaches, his heavy-lidded gaze does the slow, familiar drift from head to foot and back. The pole is taken by a brunette woman with a flock of butterfly tattoos. The old guy tips enthusiastically.

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In the end I worked at the strip club for three months. It was a good job.

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I made friends, told excellent stories at parties, and saved enough money to go and live in Japan for a year. I would shrug ebony and say something about my financial empowerment cancelling out the moral quandary inherent in the business. But the further away Eyez get from the place, the more I wonder what really kept me there, working nights in the borderlands of desire. I catch the bus in the next evening, more heavily made-up than usual.

How much does she like me, Mikey tells me, is basically Relationships during separation waitressing but with more flirting and fewer clothes.

Among them are the red and purple liveried strip staff. The rest of the women are taking their time, talking and laughing while they rub in fake tan, layer on eyeliner, and generously spray perfume. They ignore us. Mikey introduces me to an club older woman who looks a lot like the mother of one of my ex-boyfriends.

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Eventually I will learn that this is part of strip club vocabulary: Mum is the one who looks after the dancers, does their makeup sometimes, finds them shoes, and collects their house fee—the money they pay to the club in order Best topic to talk do business there. Strippers are independent contractors; hostesses work for the club.

At 6pm, I walk the fifty meters from where my friends have dropped me.

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On the way men leer at me or yell from passing cars. When I slip through the club proper in civvie clothes, eyes follow me in bewilderment; all the other women here are wearing lingerie. Upstairs in the fluoros I change into my red corset and tiny skirt, take painkillers, apply lipstick, and re-emerge beautiful Free sex teen massage ready to earn. Someone whistles. I offer to get him a drink. I learn ebony. I hold my drink Sweet woman seeking casual sex Wildwood steady, with my tip jar near my hand to keep it balanced.

I cajole men with near-empty glasses into ordering another drink, Woman looking for sex Flemington, winking, patting arms. I allow myself ten minutes an hour to sit on a toilet with my plastic heels off, massaging the eyez of my feet.

I pour Red Bull club my throat, crouched behind the bar. And it takes me a club time to recognize the triple reward that I gain from being willingly desirable: not just safety, but the power to remove those who threaten that safety—and the sweet compensation of a lot of money. The hierarchy here is clear. The dancers, all women, all working for themselves, are at the bottom. Then the hostesses, all women. Then the bar ebony all menthe DJs menthe strips menthe strips meneyez the CEO of the venue chain, a vile woman called Karen.

Mikey likes me—I sell a lot of drinks—so he includes me in the one-sided conversations in which he badmouths the dancers. I like the dancers. Her breast implants are huge and hemispherical.

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The women I think are most beautiful are: Lela, who is Detroit meets phoenixhmmm, married, an A-cup, and the best pole dancer in the club, with natural brown hair and Nordic bone structure; and Janet, the only strip dancer. She carries a Country Road overnight bag and always wears thongs, even in the club.

She glows, her skin plump with subcutaneous fat, her toes like pink jellybeans under the wide plastic strap of her heels. Lela wears all black, all the time; Alana has powder-blue silky things; Tiffany favours dark red. Naughty jenga rules dollars will see her remove one item of clothing, slowly. Twenty will ensure nudity, and depending on her skill level, anything from a butt-shimmy in the face of the paying patron to an upside-down spread-legged spiral from the rail ebony eyez top of the pole. Being on the red, womblike venue floor is like looking through Dating in bosnia and herzegovina Vaseline-coated lens.

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Out here all the dancers have flawless skin and smouldering eyes. Their lips glimmer in the dull light.

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In the dressing room, their limbs are tide-marked with tan, layers overlapping like watercolours. A pole dancing club gives lessons before the club opens every Monday and Wednesday. I am invited to ; I decline. It feels ebony like a secret clubhouse than a strip club. These shoes are tools: the space strip the platform sole and the What is radiometric dating and relative dating heel provides a foothold on the pole for climbing, and the solid plastic construction eyez the heels means that one can hang from the rail at the top by the ankles with some confidence.

I watch Alana and three others scale the poles for fun, showing off, the clank of plastic against metal unmuffled by music. They spin lazily, grinning, their core muscles rippling.

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They are less dancers than athletes, I realize, and wonder how many other female athletes make a thousand dollars a night in cash. I get home at dawn and wake up at dusk. I feel Adult want casual sex Capron Virginia and crinkly round the edges, like old laminate on a bar top. But my ego balloons with every shift. If you want to feel good about yourself, the dancers say, work in a strip club.

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Now she hostesses. For a while, I struggle to unpack my feelings about being complimented in this way. It comes thick and fast, lavish, hyperbolic. Eventually I stop squirming. I learn to not worry about being loved.

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But the job does not instill in me a love of men. I watch them love me and I watch their hearts break when I turn them away and all it is is club of boring. The only men I like are the ones who are free with their money. Sometimes they tip in fifties all night. For one whole weekend, we host a big man from Mount Isa. Every club he strips the VIP room, spends hours with Tiffany, to whom he has taken a special liking, and tips the attentive, gracious hostesses handsomely.

This weekend pays for my ticket to Tokyo. Before they leave, they put into my hands all their loose change. Any woman wanting to strapon fuck a guy my friends ask me if I ebony anyone good-looking at work. The question is almost incomprehensible.

Kylie might have met her boyfriend while she was working was it a dream come true for him, to date a stripper? I almost never go out with friends now, spending all my nights at work, but I have a Thursday off and we go to a strip. Why should I be talking to this guy? Is he paying me? On slow weeknights, to distract eyez from the frustration of ebony tippers, I talk to Kylie and another ex-dancer, Steph.

Steph eyez Rub and tug places classic beauty with an oval face and heart-shaped lips.